Craeghar Timothy ♥

Our little Craeghar Timothy is finally here and I get to keep him! :D

The birth was pretty amazing! As most of you know, I was 42 weeks and 6 days pregnant with this little guy before he joined us armside this morning. It was a difficult and challenging wait, but wow, the rewards were so very worth it! Last night I had a mini freak out, I’ll admit, and told Chris that maybe we should head to the ER and get an ultrasound just to be safe that baby can in fact be born. He had not engaged in my pelvis, I wasn’t dilating nor effacing, and he kept floating in my uterus. He was still moving, so we knew all was well, and the Lord constantly spoke to me through these last few weeks, reminding me that He is near and that all was well. It was a walk of trust and faith that pushed me to my ultimate limit. Chris reminded me of all these things about the Lord and he encouraged me to rest and prayed over me and the baby, for our protection and for the Lord to lead our steps in wisdom and prompting.

As I slept through the night, I dreamt of a rural community that was united and loving and each person came to me and encouraged me and helped me to push the baby. I woke up with contractions that were more intense than they had been but still not engaging the babe. I practiced bearing down and moving my hips around and I heard the Lord tell me that the people in the dream were all the people who were praying for us. I asked the Lord how long I should practice pushing and I felt led to rest. I prayed hard that He would continue to lead me… leading me to practice pushing felt odd to me, but I still did not feel led to seek medical assistance.

I awoke at 7:45am quite suddenly and startled Chris awake as well. The next few contractions were 3-5mins apart and really strong ones. We began to prepare that this was it. From 8-9am, I sat on the ball and rotated my hips and felt lots of pressure with each contraction. I got very hopeful that baby was finally able to engage and was coming down. At 9am I got into the tub and the contractions got even stronger but I got a bit of relief from floating… but then it got to be too much. I got back in bed around 9:30 or 10 and continued working through the contractions that were now 1-3mins apart and lasting over a minute long. Chris was amazing. He was tracking each one and telling me how much longer I had to go… I listened to his voice as he said, “20 more seconds babe, you’re doing great. These are doing great work. 10 more seconds… and 5 and then it’s going to start coming down. You’re doing great. Great job babe. 2 more seconds…”

11:15 came and I felt the need to pee so I went to the bathroom. I couldn’t go at first and was overwhelmed at the intensity of the contraction that came next. Chris could tell the time was coming because I began bearing down with the contraction and he encouraged me to come to bed, but I couldn’t… I was staying in the bathroom again. haha I checked my dilation and while my cervix was low, I was completely closed and not effaced. I became concerned about the fact that my body was pushing. I told Chris that I can’t push because I could tear through. He reassured me to listen to my body and relax, that God was in this and I can do this. I couldn’t stop the sensation to bear down. I pushed hard but tried to go slowly and I felt my cervix opening as the baby’s head pushed through it. I said the head is coming…

I never fully dilated nor did I fully efface. The baby came out in the anterior position and flew out with just one swift push, so fast I nearly dropped him on the floor. At the same moment, the cord snapped and blood went LOL On the walls, all over the toilet and floor, all over the baby and I. We were in shock as all the kids swarmed the doorway. I looked and saw he was a boy… we were all so elated and crying. He was HERE!

11:30am, December 25th, 2015, approximately 7lbs, black hair, and the most content and peaceful baby I’ve ever seen. We are so in love… and as I said to him, many times now, it really was worth it… all that waiting and difficulty surprisingly was all worth it… to be holding him and knowing him… I can now say I have BOYS, SONS along with our daughters. <3 We are so blessed…. 6 children! Unbelievable. I would never have known that this would be our life, 12 years ago when we made our vows to share our lives together in the will of the Lord…. but it’s full and blessed and enriching. I’ll take all the difficult and challenging for this beauty I get to live with these beautiful little people to share it with. <3

I’ve Moved My Blog!

Due to some recent events, I’m relocating. If you’d like to read my rambly rants and random thoughts, family updates and pregnancy/birth stories, I hope you’ll send me an email at letting me know that you read my blog and would like the new address.

I apologize for the inconvenience but so so appreciate your understanding. :)

Just Being Held

It’s getting that time in my pregnancy where I feel the need to begin hibernating from the world. I’ve been learning some new things about myself and it’s been exhausting but exciting, relieving, and has helped given me some direction in where to go from here. I’m so thankful for the intimate relationships I have who’ve been so supportive and encouraging and for my husband’s amazing attentiveness whenever I need him through this time.

It’s amazing the freedom that I am finding as I learn to surrender and let go and, as the song goes, “just be held” by the Father. That song really is a great song that speaks volumes to me this morning. How I’ve felt, the truth I need to see, and the steps to take to move out of that. So empowering!

“Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on”

This really is a great representative of how it all kind of began. I was just going about life, living life as a wife and mom and then bam, suddenly my life was so shaken. I thought it would be quick, I thought I’d work through it and keep going… but instead it was day after day of wonderful, earth shattering, heart wrecking, and intense processing and healing.

“And when you’re tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There’s freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go”

I had to just surrender to it… to fight it was more painful. I dove into the arms of the Father and just became real and raw to those in my life. God was so close and friends were supportive and compassionate despite my insecurities that had been established in my spirit.

“So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held”

I found that the best way to just work through it, was to allow the anger to be felt and the tears to fall. And truly, despite the feeling that my world was falling apart as I became aware of the realities I was surrounded with, I found that it was all coming together… and the most beautiful and healing time was as I let go and was just held.

“If your eyes are on the storm
You’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You’ll know I always have and I always will”

Keeping my eyes on Him was the only thing that didn’t just take me out. The people in my life helping me to do that, are the most priceless and precious gifts He’s given me. Thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your beautiful friendship. Chris, I am so thankful to be doing life with you!

“And not a tear is wasted
In time, you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands”

I’m still waiting to see the completed canvas of my life, but the bits God is showing me, the bits He’s transforming out of the ash – I’m just thrilled to know it’s all in the Creator’s hands and no one else’s!

“Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you’ll find Me
And where you are, I’ll hold your heart
I’ll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go”

The most steadfast and reliable. He’ll never let me down, He’ll never harm me, He’ll use all things for the good in my life and for His glory. No matter what comes my way, He’s the perfect comforter and I’m so thankful He is leading me through the storms of life. <3

Old Snippets…

  • Kathryn (3): “I just want to pet her.”
    Me: “Hunny, I know but she’s not a cat, she’s a person. She doesn’t want you to pet her like a cat.”
    Kathryn: “Yea, Ninja is a caht.”
    Me: “Yep. You can pet Ninja instead.”
    Kathryn: “But I want to pet Kimber, she’s a sweet baybeee.”
  • I scooped up Kathryn (3) to hug her because her attitude was sour and she says, “Please stop, my ears are blinking.” She was referring to her ears folding over! haha
  • Katlyn (10yo) and Karyn(8yo) simultaneously: “That’s his dad.” “Jinx!” “Jinx!” “Jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin–” *GASP* Katlyn: “JINX! GAAAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! I WIN!” LOL!!!!!! That was HILARIOUS to watch. :P
  • At my sisters house watching our littles:
    My niece Mira (6yo): My daddy’s a big dad.
    My Kathryn (3yo): My daddy is a bigger dad than your dad.
    Kathryn, Mira, Sarai (4yo), Micah (3yo): *chorus of no’s and my daddy’s bigger than your dad* Me: Whoa whoa! Both your daddy’s are big daddy’s and are just the perfect daddy for each of your families. Your daddy is a big daddy and your daddy is a big daddy too.
    Kathryn: Ohhh!
    Mira: My dad makes good food.
    Kathryn: My dad makes good food too.
    Mira: You have a kitchen?! Kathryn: Yea. At my house.
    Mira: Oh!
  • Kathryn (3) wanted a hug:
    ::I hug her head::
    Kathryn: ::laughing:: Nooo not like thaaaat!
    ::I hug her upside down::
    Kathryn: ::laughing:: Nooo not like dat eeederr!
    ::I hug her arms::
    Kathryn: ::very serious:: That’s not a hug! DIS is a hug! ::she wraps her arms snugly around my neck::
    Me: Ohhh I see! ::I don’t let go::
    Kathryn: I’m alllll duuhhhhnnn!!!
    Me: What?
    Kathryn: I want to sit on the couch!
    ::still hugging her, I put her on the couch next to me::
    Kathryn: Not dat couch! I want to sit on the couch next to Christopherrr!
    Me: ::still hugging her:: Christopher isn’t on the couch.
    ::she begins to nudge me off::
    Me: ::ooey gooey:: I love your hugs.
    ::she pauses to smile:: Kathryn: Me too. Now get offa me.
  • Karyn (8½): Mama, are they called rice quakes or rice cakes?
  • Exchange between Kathryn (3) and I while hugging and smiling at each other:
    Me: I love you!
    Kathryn: I love you too!
    Me: I love you sooooo much!
    Kathryn: I love *you* so much too!!
    Me: I love you more than allllll the stars in the universe!
    Kathryn: {nods casually} Me too.
    Me: I love you more than *all* the stores in the whoooole world!
    Kathryn: {smiles} Me too.
    Me: I love you more than *all* the other Kathryn’s in the woooorld!
    Kathryn: Yea… because they have peach skin… I mean lellow skin… and green teeth… and orange eyes….. {whispers} and purple foots!
    LOL This kid… never grow up, pleeeeease!!!!
  • Kathryn (3) singing: “A, B, Ceee, Deee! Eee Efff Geee…. *pause* Mama called the doctor and the doctor saaaaid: NO MORE MONKEY’S JUMPING ON DA BED…. *pause* Eh, Beh, Seh, Deh, Eh, Ef, GEH… elemen O peh! … *pause* Five more monkey’s jumping on da bed! Q-R-S, T-U-B! Debbleyew S, Y-Nnnn-Zeeeeeee!!!”
  • Kathryn (3) was chasing Kimlyn (1) across the living room so I spoke firmly for her to stop chasing Kimlyn. She stopped running and began walking. To be more clear, I said to turn around. She turned around and kept going backwards toward Kimlyn. :P

“Your Pants are Like Thaaat”

10wks vs. 29wks

Kathryn came up while I was looking at this picture yesterday, to compare what it looked like in the same outfit at 10 weeks and 29 weeks, and she said, “Wow, you look more different!” I asked her how so and she said, “You have a more smile, your hair is like that (and she squeezed my bun) and the baby is bigger, and *chuckle* your pants are like thaaat.” I asked, what do you mean my pants are like that? And she said, “The bigger the baby is got, the larger your pants are!” haahhahahahhaa Ohhh my cuteness. She’s adorable!

Into Week 29 With Baby #6!


I’ll be honest, the pictures I take of myself as I get closer to this baby’s birth day is blowing me away! My belly is so big! lol It’s incredible to think that a little human is inside of my body… cozy, safe, and warm. I love that we’re waiting to learn the gender of the baby again this time around, but man, it’s hard! Especially when I see others talking about their little girls and boys while taking their belly shots… but at the same time I’m reminded that while I don’t know the gender, God does… and it’s like we’re waiting for that birthday or Christmas surprise that we know is coming, but can’t open until it’s just the right time. The anticipation and excitement is all part of the experience and I love that. I can’t wait to see their little face, their little fingers and toes, and to call them by name according to their gender… the name that the Lord already knows is theirs. <3

My baby is about the size of a large butternut squash now, with wrinkly skin since s/he is still accumulating the fat that will fill them out. I was thinking of how funny it would be to have a teeny baby. I hadn’t really pictured a teeny baby because all my babies have been 7lbs or more, but I have family who’ve had beautifully healthy babies that were smaller. I have family that are smaller too, so it’s not impossible for that to happen. lol So now I’m imagining this jet black haired baby at 5lbs. hahahaha Totally something different and unexpected from our normal light/brownish/reddish hair and chunky babes of 7, 8, 9lbs.

It just goes to show how amazing our bodies are designed – to form a baby with a sperm and an egg and have it grow into a person. It makes me contemplate a tomato, a cucumber, an apple tree! All formed from one tiny little seed… allowed to grow and be nurtured. And it all happens right here in the womb of a woman. What a gift… what an amazing creation He’s formed! That I can carry a little person inside my body for nearly 10 months while they are growing and developing… alive and precious and known and loved by the Father. <3

I’m so thankful to have such a privilege once again. I pray I’d honor that privilege better and better with each day. With each year that goes by in their precious little lives. That I’d never forget that they are a precious miracle – every single one of them… and I get to witness their lives unfold into the beautiful purpose God has for them. Beautiful!

The Process of Healing

The process of healing isn’t in pretending something didn’t happen… it isn’t in developing a thicker skin or in defending oneself by building up a wall to shut people out. The process of healing is in sitting with the emotions and working through them. It’s in educating oneself and in the knowledge about what you’re experiencing and learning that there isn’t something wrong with you for having these emotions. The process of healing is what God has designed in us when He created us in His image as a conqueror.

We are more than overcomers in our experiences of the pressure from internal and external sources, that feeling of being trapped, difficult circumstances, when your convictions are being suppressed or if you are experiencing punishment for them, in hunger or thirst, in exposure and vulnerability, in risky situations, and against anyone looking to take our very lives and end the breaths we take (Romans 8:35-37).

It might be uncomfortable witnessing another who is going through their healing process. Still, it is not for you to interrupt, disrupt, or corrupt that process. If you don’t know how to help the person who is healing, please don’t hurt them instead. Healing can take weeks, months, years, decades – depending on the circumstance and depending on whether they are encouraged to heal.

I talk to my kids often about being an encourager instead of a commander. I’m still working on this myself, but demanding someone see something a certain way is not helpful. Instead, it creates fresh wounds of their own during a time when one is already raw and vulnerable. Encouraging someone isn’t flattery either, it’s in loving with the truth that lifts another up – it’s giving them courage to take a step forward in the healing process. Sometimes that’s in allowing the tears to fall, that’s allowing the anger to be felt, that’s allowing them to sit in the stillness and presence of God… sometimes, the encouragement comes in the silence of simply listening.

There is no shame in your negative emotions when you’re healing… you’re a real person, created in the beauty and love of the Father. There is no shame in the pain and heartache when you’re healing… we are a soft and tender people, created to love – it’s in that same way that we endure pain! There is no shame in feeling broken after abuse… God created us for the freedom from participating in sin and in being sinned against, but the world is full of it. But this isn’t the end of the story. As we walk out our healing in God’s design – to heal in order to overcome; there is strength there when you lean on Him, there is power that is made manifest as you realize your own weaknesses, and it is there that you suddenly find yourself, an overcomer. <3