Peace, Joy, Love…

15 years since we said ‘I do!’
That’s 5,475 days; 131,400 hours; 7,884,000 minutes; 473,040,000 seconds and counting!
We have 7 children, we’ve had 10 addresses, and we’re moving again soon!
We’ve enjoyed many vacations; driving halfway across the country,
and our kids have loved 2 cats, 3 kittens, and 2 lizards.
Our house has it’s chaos, but it is full of love, hugs & kisses!

I’m so thankful for this man in my life and the Daddy he is to our children.
He’s my best friend, he’s loyal, and he works hard to support us in every way.
We haven’t always had it easy, but I am so thankful we grew together through it all.

Happy Anniversary, Chris!


Birth Story of Chelubai Theodore

Fifth UP/UC, Third Son (Seventh Child) born on 01/07/2018!

Despite being our seventh babe, the pregnancy came as a surprise. Once the original shock wore off, we were so thankful for the newest babe growing in my womb. We shared the news with my oldest daughter first, who then wanted to tell her siblings through the game hangman. As they solved the puzzle, their faces lit up with excitement once they learned the news. Another babe was joining our family!

It was an uneventful pregnancy but I got quite big and it was more and more uncomfortable getting around. By the end of it, I had gained over 70lbs to my dismay. I took a poll asking friends to guess the reason for my extra large belly: lots of fluid? big baby? twins? haha

At 2:56pm on January 6th, I noticed a change in the contractions I’d already been having for a couple weeks. The intensity was changing and began taking my breath away and made it a little more difficult to talk or walk through. I watched them for an hour, asking my husband when he’d be home from work, and informing him that the contractions were 7-15mins apart and increasing in intensity. I made a guess based on history that he should be home in under 4 hours to be on the safe side and I’d let him know if anything changed that needed him to come home sooner.

Not much changed by the time he got home so we just hung out. I let my friend know that it might be the real thing and to keep her phone on. I went to lay down around 8 to see if the contractions would stop or wake me up when I laid down. Each one woke me every 7-15mins over the next hour. It wasn’t comfortable so I got up and went to sit with my husband in the living room. I decided to call my friend and let her know that she could come in about an hour or so but that it could still subside at any time. She came and we chatted between contractions until about 3am but while why were increasing in intensity, they were still 7-15mins apart. Since she lived close by, I suggested she get home and we get some sleep and I’ll call her when I think it’s time.

I went to bed and woke up with each contraction, still maintaining about 10mins apart and chose to get up around 6am as the contractions were too much for in bed. My husband also got up to help with the kids as I worked through the contractions and rested. My friend joined us around 10am or so and we enjoyed each other’s company between contractions. With each contraction, depending on where my husband was, I’d call to him and he’d sit with me as I breathed through it.

I would begin to question whether I was truly in labor, and then I’d have a strong and intense contraction and we’d all laugh that it obviously was. I noticed with a couple of the contractions that my body began bearing down so I was trying to decide where to ultimately labor and birth the baby. In the past, I’d ended up in the bathroom and that was where I stayed until baby was born, but I was a bit apprehensive of the intensity and wanted something a bit more comfortable. My husband brought our mattress into the living room and covered it with the shower curtain we had bought, to protect it. I climbed onto the bed and started out on all fours for several contractions and then turned around for a bit. As I labored in a sitting position, my water broke at 1:45pm. Lots of water kept coming and coming, so my friend helped my husband to get some towels underneath me.

I decided I wanted to be on all fours again and turned around. I labored there and more water kept coming. It was quite surprising just how much water there was, actually. haha I continued to labor and the intensity was too much for the strength I had left. My legs were shaky and I chose to turn around. I am unsure whether I regret this or just think it would have been easier if I just held out a little longer. I didn’t know at the time that baby was going to be born very soon.

I sat on my bottom and had my husband sit behind me so I could push off on him. With each contraction, now much closer together, I allowed my body to bear down as my husband reminded me to breath and follow my body. I could hear myself hollering and roaring with each push so between contractions, I looked to my 13yo daughter to remind her that I was okay and not to worry. Her and my 11yo daughter was present, awaiting the arrival of their youngest sibling.

I checked to see if I could feel the baby’s head and I felt it, all squished and coming down. I continued to bear down, and felt myself poo. I was thankful that I was covered in a blanket for my personal comfort of modesty. It was around this time that I could hear voices surrounding me and I realized someone was praying. I found great comfort in it and I was so thankful that I had my friend and her daughter along with my two daughters present. I continued to push and felt the baby descend, I could feel the baby’s head all squished as it crowned and asked my friend to check to make sure it was the head and not the bottom (though in hindsight, labor would have been more intense for my back and hips if that had been the case). She assured me it was the head and I relaxed despite the burning sensation.

I heard myself say to my husband that it was too hard and he encouraged me and reminded me of what I’m capable of. I began to roar again and pushed the baby’s head out. I was shocked how big his head was, as it was bigger than the size of the birth canal. I said the head was out and was facing down. I breathed and continued following my body’s lead and pushed the rest of the body out with another roar, feeling arms crossed at the chest. I breathed a sigh of relief for a moment before uncovering the baby from under the blanket at 2:20pm. I saw he was a boy, noticed poo up his back, then I saw his arms flop, and his face was purple.

I noted to my husband that he was purple and I needed a towel. I wiped his face, wiped his back, and rubbed his back and chest to encourage him to breath. Ready to take the next step, he made a little squeak and his color began to pink up, then he began to cry.

I looked up at that point to see everyone tearful. He was here. He was here after 24hrs of labor, all 11lbs of him with that 15″ head! I laid back with him and could feel all the work I had done and felt tired. Not long after, I delivered the placenta, thankful to find that I hadn’t torn at all. My husband then cut the cord, helped me wash up, and cleaned up from the birth, then helped me to bed so I could sleep and nurse the baby. I slept for the rest of the day and through the night as he took care of the rest of the kids.

Chelubai Theodore (whole hearted gift of God) has been nursing like a champ and is a sweet addition to the family. It’s as if he was here all along. Life has been pretty normal considering another person being added to our crew. The Lord knows good gifts and this boy is a great gift indeed.

<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#3>>
<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#4>>
<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#5>>
<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#6>>
<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#7>>

Music: You’re Gonna Be Okay by Brian and Jenn Johnson

This was shared in one of my support groups and I just had to share it. It’s so powerful and beautiful. ♥


[Verse 1]
I know it’s all you’ve got to just, be strong
And it’s a fight just to keep it together, together
I know you think, that you are too far gone
But hope is never lost
Hope is never lost

Hold on, don’t let go
Hold on, don’t let go

Just take, one step, closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You’ll, get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You’re gonna be ok

[Verse 2]
I know your heart is heavy from those nights
Just remember that you’re a fighter, a fighter
You never know just what tomorrow holds
And you’re stronger than you know
Stronger than you know

Hold on, don’t let go
Hold on, don’t let go

Just take, one step, closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You’ll, get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
One step, closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You’ll, get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You’re gonna be ok

And when the night, is closing in
Don’t give up and don’t give in
This won’t last, it’s not the end, it’s not the end
You’re gonna be ok
When the night, is closing in
Don’t give up and don’t give in
This won’t last, it’s not the end, it’s not the end
You’re gonna be ok

The Restoration of Truth

Every once in a while I like to go back over the years and read journal entries from this day to see what things have changed since then and see the growth and progress I’ve made. Last year, I posted several songs that really spoke to me, so I thought I’d write an entry touching on how it impacted me and the process I went through and where I’m at today with it. God has done so much inside my heart this year. He’s so amazing.

Try by Colbie Caillat ~ I’ve never been great at doctoring my physical appearance to be what I came to believe was beauty. I struggled with brushing my teeth and showering regularly. I struggled with making healthy diet choices. I struggled with clothes I wore. I struggled with doing my hair. I never realized I didn’t like me, but I could never measure up to being who I thought was a beautiful person. I still struggle with these things, but now I’m accepting that I don’t have to try so hard, I just need to be open and raw about stuff. It might make others uncomfortable because I’m still working through things, but the people around me care enough to love on me through it. In doing so, I’ll overcome these struggles… and I am. I’ve actually come to a place that I like me and that’s how I’ve gotten there.

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson ~ The lies I’ve believed led me to make some choices that stifled my own growth. Wounds I had experienced by the lack of parental influence and presence in my life resulted in me trying to be something that was impossible to be – anything other than open and raw. I tried hard to shut all the pain down so as to not hurt others, but it didn’t heal my own pain. It made me ashamed of my pain, that I felt any at all, that I couldn’t move forward, that I wasn’t strong enough, brave enough, good enough, to get over it. But the reality is, because of it all, I am grateful to say that I may see glimpses of it in my character, but I will never be what happened to me. I am breaking away and I’m free and my children know a different life, and thus I’ve ended the cycle.

Piece by Piece by Kelly Clarkson ~ I needed my father in ways he both had no clue about and was emotionally and physically unavailable to do anything about. As such, I felt abandoned. Each time I tried to approach the subject as an adult, he attempted to validate it, but I was still left feeling like he was justifying it rather than just accepting that he’d hurt me and that his mistakes, no matter the reason they were made, resulted in wounds that he was responsible for. It’s because of this, that years prior, when my husband walked into my life, and he began to provide a kind of love from a man that I had longed for, it was monumental to a point that others didn’t understand. They felt I didn’t recognize their love for me, because of the type of love I needed wasn’t met by them. I in fact needed a man to love me, hug me, tell me I was beautiful and worthy – I needed a specific man – my dad. He didn’t love me as I needed and as a child I found a counterfeit version of it in my abuser. He took advantage of those vulnerabilities, he violated my mind and my body, he stole my trust and betrayed me because my father wasn’t there as I needed him…. and through my husband, those things were restored to me. I love my father… but those scars are still there. Those years are gone. We can build off of what happened, but the tears still surface when I think of what might have been… maybe someday they’ll cease, but for today, there is still pain mixed with my healing.

Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson ~ I’ve struggled with rejection for most of my life. I was not as athletic, as pretty, as funny, as cool, as well dressed, as xyz… I’ve spent most of my life trying to play it off as no big deal and trying not to let others know how much it hurt me. I’ve spent most of my life, turning my cheek, shrugging it off so as to not ‘hold a grudge’ or be ‘too sensitive.’ Then when I came to a moment of standing strong for myself I was viewed as self-righteous or judgmental. I felt like I was fighting to just live my life and took a breath. I screamed this song as it played, releasing all that pressure built up inside of me, to release the rocks of pressure I’d gathered up inside my soul… and then I could breath. I had wasted so much time trying to please people who didn’t even notice how hard I was trying to earn their love. They were oblivious to my pain and the struggles I faced on a daily basis… and this moment was a moment of no longer stifling my healing and victories in order to not offend. Not because I wanted to offend, but because I had made my own life less important, my own health, and thus the effect of all that on my kids less important.

Rise Up by Andra Day ~ As a result of realizing I was important and that it was okay to care for myself as such, I declared that I was going to rise up! I was broken down… spinning in circles… fighting an endless battle in all the wrong ways… so I rise up. In spite of the ache, I chose to rise up. In spite of how hard it was to breath, I chose to rise up. And I began rising up time and time again…

Not Ashamed by Abigail Duhon ~ The moment had come… would I live in shame or be bold and as I rose up, I became bold and unashamed. Unashamed of what had happened to me, unashamed of what I’d done or become, unashamed of my needs and my wants… and I looked to the One to manifest His strength in all the weaknesses I was wrought with. I continue to grow in this… shame is not a part of my spirit anymore.

Overcome by Jeremy Camp ~ I laid it all down, taking it all in that The Father would give it all for me… He overcame it all so I could overcome, so we could be together, so that victory would be won. How worthy of gratitude and praise He is… what else can be said? I sit in the awe of Who He is and I’m wrecked by His love for me. I’m overwhelmed by His enveloping presence, overwhelmed by the mighty God He is, overwhelmed by the sacrifice of His Son that He could be near to me. He overcame and thus I will overcome.

It’s Not Over Yet by for King & Country ~ I might still be in a war with myself in some ways as I still journey through the pain and experience wholeness and healing, I know it’s not over yet. I keep fighting and I keep hoping and I keep trusting. I am not fighting a pointless battle anymore… I’m not spinning in circles… I’m coming out of the darkness of oppression and into the light of freedom and life. The voices that tell me otherwise are lies… God is in this and it’s worth pushing forward.

Mine by Hollyn ~ I’m in His hand and He has and will continue to pursue me. He’s the one Who’s gotten me this far. He’s mine and I’m His. He’s my Abba Daddy and it doesn’t matter how many times I mess up, I’m His precious and adored baby girl. I am not a child anymore by the world’s standards, but I’ll always be his little girl and He has always been there fighting for me to protect me and keep me safe, He continues to wipe away my tears and kiss away my boo-boo’s. He’s my Daddy and He’s my home.

Music has been used on my journey towards the restoration of truth to my spirit. I believed lies for so long, but I am finally seeing those lies being replaced with truths. Truly, praise God for that.

Thought Provoking

Hmm, just came across this from a journal entry that I wrote last year. Thought provoking!
“When we face our sin, we’re saved. When we receive the help from the Holy Spirit, communion is restored, and our eyes opened to the spiritual realm. When we die, that communion extends into eternity. However, if we face our sin and reject Christ and His salvation, we reject help from the Holy Spirit and we have no communion with the Lord, therefore when we die, communion continues to be void.”