For 15 years this day has been a bad day… a hard day. I dreaded it all day on the 4th and from the moments my eyes opened in the morning, I was depressed and plagued by the memories of what happened to me when I was just 13 years old.
There’s no more holding back…
Prints are available to order and will be sent in 7-10 days! The EBook is available for immediate download.❤ Click the picture below to order your own copy!
As a young teen, I was sexually assaulted by a man in his thirties for over a year while I babysat his girlfriend’s daughter. From the moment the truth was exposed and into my adult years, my healing was stunted by the surrounding circumstances. Here is my journey of breaking free, allowing myself to process through the pain of what I endured, and discovering the truth of who I am. This is the story of a girl experiencing darkness, surviving, thriving, becoming new, finding true security and strength, and shining a light.
“…there is beauty in destruction and it comes in the form of restoration. Such a restoration comes through the process of discovering where value is truly found, which was established at the beginning of creation in the beauty of a Savior.”
“Kristi Whitten has penned her story with rare and articulate transparency. Written in a manner that never gets dry, this book informs the reader of important truths in a language very understandable yet graciously eloquent. While the situations described here are devastating and emotionally gruesome, the reader is focused more on the psychological effects, and the story does not wallow in repetitive or unnecessary sin portrayal. In short, this is a classy book, graciously executed, and, if allowed, powerfully transformative.” Stephanie Byers, B.S. Secondary Education, Stay at Home Mom
Fourth UP/UC, Second Son (Sixth Child) born on 12/25/2015!
We were so thrilled to learn that we were expecting our sixth child on April 4th 2015! I had no clue I was pregnant but took the test just for fun. We shared the news with our friends and family after surprising the kids with the news. It was a lot of fun to see the expressions on my kids’ faces and to hear everyone we told be excited with us. Here is the video of us telling the kids:
I determined by what information I had that I was due around December 5th. The pregnancy was full of emotional healing and growth from other events in my life as we enjoyed doing my own care ourselves. The pregnancy went very fast for the most part and I enjoyed watching my belly grow.
Once I reached 38wks pregnant, I began to get a bit antsy but was determined to continue trusting in the Lord and allowing my body and my baby to do what was needed to prepare us for the day our newest blessing would be in our arms.
The following weeks leading up to the birth were a mix of high spirits and meltdowns. I did my best to stay positive and had an amazing support system surrounding me who were compassionate and understanding, yet helped me focus on the benefits of being patient and laying my life down for my child(ren). I can’t say I didn’t have bouts of fear, but I can say that knowledge and wisdom, and most of all God’s peace, overcame each of those bouts.
At 42 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I woke up to a very strong and sharp pain and an intense contraction followed. In hindsight, I realize that the baby flipped from posterior to anterior. From there, active labor began.
The night before that however, I had a mini freak out. I told my husband that maybe we should head to the ER and get an ultrasound just to be safe that baby can in fact be born. He had not engaged in my pelvis, I wasn’t dilating nor effacing, and he kept floating in my uterus. He was still moving, so we knew all was well, and the Lord constantly spoke to me through those last few weeks, reminding me that He is near and that all was well. It was a walk of trust and faith that pushed me to my ultimate limit. My husband reminded me of all these things about the Lord and he encouraged me to rest and prayed over me and the baby, for our protection and for the Lord to lead our steps in wisdom and prompting.
As I slept through the night, I dreamt of a rural community that was united and loving and each person came to me and encouraged me and helped me to push the baby. I woke up with contractions that were more intense than they had been but still not engaging the babe. I practiced bearing down and moving my hips around with each contraction and I heard the Lord tell me that the people in the dream were all the people who were praying for us. I asked the Lord what I should do and I felt led to rest. I prayed hard that He would continue to lead me…
When I awoke the next morning to that strong pain, at 7:45am, it was sudden and I startled my husband awake. Contractions were 3-5mins apart and really strong. We began to prepare that this was it. From 8-9am, I sat on the ball and rotated my hips and felt lots of pressure with each contraction. I got very hopeful that baby was finally able to engage and was coming down. At 9am I got into the tub and the contractions got even stronger but I got a bit of relief from floating… but then it got to be too much.
When I got out of the tub, I was a bit discouraged because I checked to see if any dilation had occurred. Baby was still high, no dilation or effacement had occurred but thankfully there was a bit of bloody show to indicate that the baby was coming within the day or two. I got back in bed around 9:30 or 10 and continued working through the contractions that were now 1-3mins apart and lasting over a minute long. My husband was amazing, we watched the show American Pickers on his phone in between contractions (or I rested) and when each contraction came, he tracked each one and told me how much longer I had to go… I listened to his voice as he said, “20 more seconds babe, you’re doing great. These are doing great work. 10 more seconds… and 5 and then it’s going to start coming down. You’re doing great. Great job babe. 2 more seconds…”
11:15 came and I felt the need to pee so I went to the bathroom. I couldn’t go at first and was overwhelmed at the intensity of the contraction that came next. My husband could tell the time was coming because I began bearing down with the contraction and he encouraged me to come to bed, but I couldn’t… I was staying in the bathroom. haha I checked my dilation and while my cervix was low, I was completely closed and not effaced. I became concerned about the fact that my body was pushing. I told my husband that I can’t push because I could tear through. He reassured me to listen to my body and relax, that God was in this and I can do this. I listened and focused on doing what felt right and didn’t rush or fight it. I couldn’t stop the sensation to bear down. I pushed hard but tried to go slowly and I felt my cervix opening as the baby’s head pushed through it. I told him the head is coming…
I never fully dilated nor did I fully efface. The baby came out in the anterior position and flew out with just one swift push, so fast I nearly dropped him on the floor. At the same moment, because I was standing and the cord was short, the cord snapped and blood went ev.er.y.where. LOL On the walls, all over the toilet and floor, all over the baby and I. We were in shock as all the kids swarmed the doorway. I looked and saw he was a boy… we were all so elated and crying. He was HERE!
11:30am, December 25th, 2015, approximately 7lbs, dark brown hair, and the most content and peaceful baby I’ve ever seen. He didn’t have any vernix on his body so I wiped him down and I sat back on the toilet. Within minutes I felt my placenta coming and it accidentally plopped in the toilet. haha We marveled at the newest member of our family as the kids cried and laughed and expressed how cute and little he was and that they had a new brother. About a half hour later, I got into bed and I nursed him. After he was settled in and cozy, we tied the cord that was now cold, white, and limp, and trimmed it down. From the moment I woke up to the moment he was born was a little over 3½ hours.
We are so in love… and as I’ve said to him, many times now, it really was worth it… all that waiting and difficulty surprisingly was all worth it… to be holding him and knowing him… I can now say I have sons along with our daughters. When I had my second daughter and could say daughters instead of just daughter… sisters… it was such a sweet moment! And now I can say boys, sons, and BROTHERS!❤ We are so blessed…. 6 children! Unbelievable. I would never have known that this would be our life, 12 years ago when we made our vows to share our lives together in the will of the Lord…. but it’s full and blessed and enriching. I’ll take all the difficult and challenging for this beauty I get to live with these beautiful little people to share it with.❤
<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#3: Christopher Thomas>>
<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#4: Kathryn Martha>>
<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#5: Kimberlyn Mariann>>
<<Kristi’s Freebirth Story of Baby#6: Craeghar Timothy>>
Parenting is such an interesting journey… it’s new and different with each child and it is constantly changing… because as parents and children, we’re people who are constantly growing and changing. This journey of motherhood, as described by a dear friend of mine, has been like a roller coaster. It has moments of pause where we’re actually slowly ascending up to the top before plummeting down the first hill, taking sharp curves, and sometimes even going upside down… then the pause and we go through it again… expected and yet no way to stop the rush you feel as you experience it.
Yes. A roller coaster! That’s what parenting has been like for me. lol
My oldest daughter just recently started puberty. It’s been an exciting and beautiful journey to be her mom as well as trying and challenging as I learn to be a good mom to meet her needs. She’s my first, so I am learning a lot as we go. I’ve never had a tween before and I had no idea that it was during this age that many girls begin to deal with the woes of hormonal changes and finding out who they are. I thought this would come later… but here we are.
We’ve been going pretty fast through it lately, feeling the rush of stress and emotion as we try to figure each other out – while I try to share a home with a fellow hormonal female. I’m so thankful for women who’ve been there before me and their wisdom to share. I got some great ideas today in ways to help her. Making sure she’s getting nutrients she needs to keep her hormones balanced, staying hydrated, sharing a moment together over some chocolate when the stresses begin to rise, and some time to experience the quiet alone and of course time alone with the Lord.
Coming off a major curve, I’m looking forward to seeing us work through this new moment of pause and see some growth in us both and in our relationship as we bond closer together in friendship during this challenging time. I pray I be the mother and friend she needs me to be; that she can count on and turn to. I’m imperfect and have no clue what I’m doing on some days, but man, did God do such an amazing work when He created this person that He forever changed my life with.
My sweet 11yo daughter… I’m so honored to be living this life with you. ♥
I go to check on DD#1’s room that she’s been working to clean:
Me: “Alright, you can go outside for a while and when you come back in, I want you to focus on it completely. I don’t want you to slack just because you aren’t getting a reward.”
DD#1: “What do you mean? Focus on it. I focused on it this time, right?”
Me: “Yes, I mean, I want you to focus on it just as well without the reward of getting a break to go play outside.”
DD#1: “Ahh! Well, there’s always ONE reward when I do something you ask me to do, and that’s making you happy that I did it.”
Me: “Yes hunny, that definitely makes me happy.”
DD#1: :: stands halfway out the door:: “So really, every time you ask me to do something, doing it is worth it.” ::slips out the door::
Note: Just to clarify… her room looks like a storm has gone through it because I’m not forcing her to clean her room like a drill sergeant….
dot dot dot
I hear our 2yo shrieking in the room so I call her out to me:
Me: “Why are you yelling, little girl?”
DD#4: “Mama… goteego goteego!” ::waves tail of puppy leash she’s wearing::
Me: “They were pulling it and not letting go?”
DD#4: “Uh huh!”
Me: “Aha, okay, tell them, ‘let go, please!’ and don’t yell, okay?”
Me: “Say it, I want to hear you say, ‘let go, please!'”
DD#4: “Goteego, pweeeeeese.”
Loooooove her!!! ♥