16 weeks along:
Entering my eighteenth week, I can’t describe the relaxed feeling I have over this pregnancy and the upcoming day we get to see our little wonder face to face. I’ve been surprised at the lack of questions in regards to my pregnancy… several wanting to know if we have/will find out the sex of the baby, but otherwise just general questions of how I’m feeling. I feel a sense of liberation in this pregnancy and I’m not sure if it’s the “been there, done that” aspect or if God has given me a peace over all of it. I think it’s mostly the latter, but I’m sure the former plays its part in that as well.
I have had my moments of panic and I remind myself that God would not frighten me if He was letting me in on something to be concerned about… sure enough those fears subside and everything is fine. I’ve come to learn that fear is not an active response, but rather a lack of one… a lack of trusting in God. It’s hard to see the signs of it coming on but I’m seeing now that God will reveal all things to me should that be my desire. Truly that isn’t the hard part anyway… it’s listening and choosing to be active in trusting. Why is it easier to just fear? It reminds me of how it’s easier to be sad and miserable yet it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile… it’s so very backwards.
I am quite tired in this pregnancy… I don’t recall being so tired in the second trimester with my other pregnancies, but just another example of how much they will vary. I’ve gained quite a bit of weight, 25 lbs now. My pants no longer fit me and so I’ve added an elastic to the button and I can only zip them up half way… but I love how I feel in them now that I actually can fill them. Those of you who know me, know what I mean as you know that I struggle with being underweight. This is certainly a perk of pregnancy!
I have beautiful long nails on my left hand… and all the nails on my right have broken for some reason or another… a chip here, a crack there, a distracted day when I chewed one off… I know I should clip my long ones but they look so nice I can’t help but keep them. Yep… another slightly off balance perk of pregnancy… mostly beautiful long, unchewed nails. I’m such a goober.
I’ve been trying to drink 100 oz of water a day and succeed on most. I’ve seen an amazing difference in my skin. I didn’t realize that not drinking enough water had an effect on me like that. If I had, I certainly would have done it in high school! My acne breakouts have at the very least slowed and the rest of my face from prior breakouts is clearing up so nicely… I forgot what it was like to have a smooth face.
It just dawned on me that it’s probably because the increase of water that is making me tired… it’s cleaning the toxins out of me and so it would make sense of why I’ve been tired. I’ve also been forgetting to take my B vitamins and that might play a part as well… they really do a lot for my energy and mood and it would explain my “blah-se” feeling I have going on. Yesterday was the hardest day I’ve had in a long time… but these last couple years have been pretty great so that’s not that big of a deal. I just keep thinking of what my 3½ year old daughter said one day while sledding with her Grampa… in response to the question “You’re legs must be getting tired” she said, “No, my legs aren’t getting tired, my legs are getting STRONG!” Isn’t that what God does for all of us… when we feel like we are at the end of our rope exhausted, don’t we always come out of it greater, stronger, healthier… better for it all. Praise God for training and disciplining me… developing me like muscles through exercise. God is so good.
Lord, be with me and my family and friends and all who read my journal… give us peace and rest in the moments we must part from Your presence to dream. Better yet, be in the midst of our dreams, for truly peace is only in the very presence of Your glory. May we never be apart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.