It’s getting that time in my pregnancy where I feel the need to begin hibernating from the world. I’ve been learning some new things about myself and it’s been exhausting but exciting, relieving, and has helped given me some direction in where to go from here. I’m so thankful for the intimate relationships I have who’ve been so supportive and encouraging and for my husband’s amazing attentiveness whenever I need him through this time.
It’s amazing the freedom that I am finding as I learn to surrender and let go and, as the song goes, “just be held” by the Father. That song really is a great song that speaks volumes to me this morning. How I’ve felt, the truth I need to see, and the steps to take to move out of that. So empowering!
“Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on”
This really is a great representative of how it all kind of began. I was just going about life, living life as a wife and mom and then bam, suddenly my life was so shaken with the grief. I thought it would be quick to sort through, I thought I’d work through it and keep going… but instead it was day after day of wonderful, earth shattering, heart wrecking, painful, and intense processing and healing.
“And when you’re tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There’s freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go”
I had to just surrender to it… to fight it or ignore it was more painful and more damaging. I dove into the arms of the Father and just became real and raw to those in my life. God was so close and friends were supportive and compassionate despite my insecurities that had been established in my spirit.
“So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held”
I found that the best way to just work through it, was to allow the anger to be felt and the tears to fall. And truly, despite the feeling that my world was falling apart as I became aware of the realities I was surrounded with, I found that it was all coming together… and the most beautiful and healing time was as I let go and was just held.
“If your eyes are on the storm
You’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You’ll know I always have and I always will”
Keeping my eyes on Him was the only thing that didn’t just take me out. The people in my life helping me to do that, are the most priceless and precious gifts He’s given me. Thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your beautiful friendship. Along with those friendships, I am so thankful to be doing life with my husband as well, my closest friend of all! He’s such a gift to me!
“And not a tear is wasted
In time, you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands”
I’m still waiting to see the completed canvas of my life, but the bits God is showing me, the bits He’s transforming out of the ash – I’m just thrilled to know it’s all in the Creator’s hands and no one else’s!
“Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you’ll find Me
And where you are, I’ll hold your heart
I’ll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go”
The most steadfast and reliable. He’ll never let me down, He’ll never harm me, He’ll use all things for the good in my life and for His glory. No matter what comes my way, He’s the perfect comforter and I’m so thankful He is leading me through the storms of life. ♥