I was just informed tonight that my sister J lied to me about my mom. Here I’ve thought for the last 16 years that my mother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and obsessive compulsive tendencies, when the truth is that the doctors said that she had suffered depression for so long that it transformed into psychosis and attributed part of it to her thyroid disease that went untreated for so many years.
I was 15 years old when J told me this… she had wanted me to go to the hospital with her that night. She wanted me to help them sign her in involuntarily. I was 15… I wanted to be with my boyfriend instead. Maybe what I did was selfish, maybe it was normal for a 15 year old… but she told me this lie. Why? To make me feel bad? To show me I should have been there to do it? I don’t know her reason! Why in the hell?
To make matters worse, she told me that if my mother were in the midst of what we called episodes, that the doctors said we should address it by informing her that she’s ill. This turns my stomach…. what.in.the.hell.
For the last 16 years, I’ve believed my mom was a paranoid schizophrenic! For much of that, I’ve believed she didn’t have the capacity to love me like a healthy mother could. I’ve believed I couldn’t talk with her about serious conversations. I’ve believed this hereditary condition could very well happen to me. J and I talked about how this could happen to us!
It was only four years ago that my younger sister and I began talking about our mother’s mental health and how we felt something deeper was at play. We discussed the possibility of a spiritual issue, perhaps something demonic that led to the schizophrenia… but knowing now that the depression and thyroid disease was the cause of her illness all along?! Why? WHY did she lie to me about my mother?! I didn’t think I could do anything to help her. I didn’t think I could help her!!
I am passionate about health… I know how to heal the thyroid!!! I could help her! I’m determined to do what I can when I go home. I’m determined to discover if there is anyway we can help my mother heal. What abuse she’s endured! How many times did people tell her she was crazy?! How many times was she made to believe she was ill when there was nothing wrong with her but it was the people around her?!
I’m sick to my stomach… how many times did *I* tell her she was crazy… how many times did I leave her in the middle of an ‘episode’ instead of hug her and love her… 😥
I was only 15… J not only emotionally abused me, she potentially stole a relationship I could have had with my mother who has similar struggles that I myself have dealt with! WHY?!
I was just a child…. and I grew up to be exactly the vice against my mother that J instructed me to be. I trusted her…. what other lies do I believe and don’t even know it?!
My mind is reeling…
Continue to expose the lies, Lord!
“Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.” Proverbs 26:24-26
“Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.” Luke 12:2-3