For 15 years this day has been a bad day… a hard day. I dreaded it all day on the 4th and from the moments my eyes opened in the morning, I was depressed and plagued by the memories of what happened to me when I was just 13 years old.
Yesterday, I knew today was September 5th and I spent the day with people I love and enjoyed my day, without a care that today was coming. And this morning, I woke up cranky! Not sad, depressed, or withdrawn… and otherwise had a normal day! Not a single memory came into my mind, no tears were shed for what I lost, and I just had a normal day… a normal day.
Well, maybe not completely normal… I spent my day in prayer over a friend who was in labor with babies I’ve been praying over since I learned she was pregnant and for 6 years prior while her and her husband wrestled through infertility… so I prayed as I drove to go to the bank which is a few towns over and remembered just outside of town that it was Labor Day as I hit a ton of traffic… and I laughed and chatted with my Katydid as we waited to get directed through among the firetrucks and campers.
I prayed some more as we drove by the lot our old mobile home used to sit on before we chatted about what we remember about being there and prayed again while we drove to the places we used to go to when she was little. We reminisced and shared some wonderful memories we made when we lived in that town. I prayed as we walked into the stores to got some coffee, dog biscuits, and dishwasher tabs to restock what we finished off at my in-laws and I shared some more memories as we made our way back home.
I went out to lunch with my husband and our youngest three and our oldest daughter and when we got home, I received the message that my friend had delivered her twins. I felt complete elation for her… and as I laid down for a nap with my son, I held him close and sobbed from the joy and then slept for 3 hours!
When I woke, the rest of the day went normal! Last year I was spilling out my guts in what started out as a blog entry and became a book, and this year all of that heartache I had to sort through, the outcome is PEACE. I was cranky this morning and I snapped at my kids when I got stressed out… but I had a GOOD day. Today… TODAY was a good day. A blessed day.
Grief is so hard… the pain almost too much to bear… the memories to sort through were torture… and the truth of all of it was overwhelming and devastating to face… but today made it all worth it. Christ died for this… my healing, my freedom… and I can actually say, I feel free. I know He’s not finished with me and I know I still have work to do through this healing journey of mine, but His truths over me have given me a freedom I didn’t have before. I know Who I am and the more I get to know Him, the more I see how much He loves and how valuable I am to Him… like a newborn, I’ve done nothing to earn such a love, but love me He does.
Today was a beautiful day, and I’m so thankful.
I am praying for my sweet friends who are in dark times. This moment is hard and really painful, but God’s desire for you is your healing and freedom. Allow Him to make you whole again and hold on as He shakes your world up. It doesn’t feel good to work through the pain, it doesn’t feel good to grieve, but it’s so important and so worth it. The sorrow lasts for a night, but JOY comes in the morning. (((hugs)))