A fellow abuse survivor, distraught and frustrated while working through emotions and pain, declared, “I just want to live a normal life and stop living like a victim!”
It stuck with me…
We aren’t living like victims, we’re living victoriously as we do the work to heal the wounds we’ve been left with.
We aren’t living like victims, we’re standing as survivors, living day to day to live and thrive.
We aren’t living like victims, we work every single day to do normal things that others don’t think twice about.
We aren’t living like victims, we don’t give up, we push through; we fight.
To others it might seem like we’re living like victims, but we are warriors. I live my life contrary to what I feel on the inside. I have days I want to run away from my family, and run away from myself… but I don’t. I might sleep a little more or spend some extra time with a friend, or even drink some wine – but I’m here. My kids see me fighting to be better and to not give in to the turmoil that childhood sexual abuse causes inside of a person. That’s what I’m teaching them so when they fight through their own lives, they’ll be even more victorious than I!
I was a victim. That’s part of what happened to me. The beauty however, is that from being made a victim, I’m victorious despite having lived that. I’m still here and I’m glad for my hard work and God’s grace that helped me to know which steps to take so far. What looks like whining, complaining, or negativity to someone else, is part of how I’ve been victorious. Talking about what happened to me, being honest about what I’m feeling, and being raw about the inner turmoil inside has allowed me to find the truth to declare and stand in; to process through hurts to find hope and walk confidently in; and ultimately discover the beauty of taking something awful and creating something lovely from it.
We aren’t living as victims… we were victims and we were destroyed. Now our minds, hearts, and bodies are in the recovery process. When a broken arm is in a cast, we know the healing work is happening, even if it’s not necessarily seen; when one’s body is detoxing, it actually feels really ugly during the process of cleansing, but we know the end result is worth it; and when we express our pain in a way that others might feel uncomfortable along with us, we can also be certain that it is not in vain. Others being made uncomfortable allows for us to not endure this burden alone – because we matter. Our pain matters and if it were another in pain, I’d hope I would be willing to be made uncomfortable so I could support them. I would not want them to be silent and bearing such a burden alone. As such, I have faith that others feel the same way about me.
You matter. Your pain matters. It’s okay to make others uncomfortable sometimes when you’re hurting. It allows us to be a little less selfish, it allows us to grow, and it allows us to be shaped into someone God wants us to be!
If you’re struggling with feeling alone, like you need a friend, or if you just want to connect, please feel free to message me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You don’t have to walk through life alone. You don’t have to feel worthless or unimportant, because you matter, and you deserve to have someone in your life who sees you. I hope you’ll let me see you.