Scripture: “Sometimes I say to myself, ‘I will ·forget about the Lord [L not remember him], I will not speak anymore in his name.’ But then his message becomes like a burning fire ·inside me [L in my heart], ·deep within [L shut in] my bones. I get tired of trying to hold it inside of me, and finally, I cannot hold it in.” Jeremiah 20:9
Observation: Even when we want to give up and walk away, God won’t let us do so without calling us back to Him. Once we know the Lord, feeling weary or doubt to may come but to reject Him and disobey is always a decision.
Application: During a very dark season in my life, feeling empty, alone, and worthless, I would say similar words to Jeremiah, ‘I’ll just leave – leave my husband, my kids, the church… and stop standing up for what is right. It’s so hard and I’m so tired of doing the right thing, I just want to do what I want to do,’ and just like this passage says, I heard the Lord speak to me, ‘I am faithful, even when you are not.’ He proceeded to warn me to turn back, to stop the way I was going… but I was deceived into believing I was crazy; deceived into believing I might become a paranoid schizophrenic due to the diagnosis my mother never actually received despite what I was told by my sister J.
However, He didn’t leave me in my confusion. He continued to pursue me and I had to make an active choice to reject Him and disobey. I believed I was paranoid and didn’t listen to His warning. As a result, I faced the heartache and despair that comes from such a decision. Just like Eve, I had been deceived and tasted the fruit, giving me a new understanding of evil. I could not walk away from Him, from what was right, from my family. I was more weary outside of His presence and His will for my life, with these beautiful people by my side, than I had ever known. I’d rather find joy in doing good, than know such despair like that again. So I won’t contain what He’s shown me. I’ll speak. I’ll reveal His glory. I might grow tired, but I will push on. It is worth it.
Prayer: Father God, that time in my life was so painful and so confusing. I never want to be that far from You again. I will walk this path that can be challenging in so many different ways, but that is always good, useful, manageable, and bearable. Continue to help me through it, growing despite the weakness of my flesh. When I want to sleep instead of work, give me supernatural rest; when I want to hide instead of face the day, give me boldness and courage; when I want to give in to the pressures around me, give me strength. Continue to use me Lord. In Jesus’ name. Amen.