Chats and Snuggles with Karyn

Last night Karyn gave me a hug and her eyelashes tickled my cheek. I began to sing butterfly kisses but couldn’t remember the lyrics and she asked what song it was so I played it for her. Her, Katlyn, and I were all bawling by the end of it and they both talked about how they never wanted to leave. LOL! It opened up a conversation about the future.

Karyn said she struggles with the idea of marrying because she’s concerned her husband will feel crowded with a big family. First of all, I totally chuckled on the inside, but then I told her that she can talk to the man before they marry and if he doesn’t want to be around a big family, she doesn’t have to marry him. She was relieved to hear that. Then after I explained that she doesn’t have to marry anyone she doesn’t want to be with, that some things she can compromise on, but there are some things she never has to compromise.

I asked her if she wanted a big family and she said yes, that she wanted many children, but she would want to take valerian root (it’s what I take) because she’d probably be pretty stressed out. LOL!! She said she hopes she is a mom like me in that I spend time with my kids and listen to them, that she loves on them and plays with them.

She said she also struggled with the thought of getting married and with having a lot of kids because she’d miss me and wants to spend time with me. I told her she doesn’t have to get married and have any children, but doing so doesn’t mean she can’t come see me. She will have her license and her own vehicle and be able to come see me whenever she’d like, and I can visit her too. I told her that she could come at any time and if it’s late, the kids can go to bed while we visit and she can either stay also or she can leave the kids until morning while she goes home to spend time with her husband. She liked that, too.

We then talked about what kind of man she’d want to be with and she talked about missionary work, hoping her husband would be in love with Jesus most of all. She then said she’d want him to be like Daddy, so I asked what kinds of character qualities like Daddy she’d like him to have if she could choose and what she said absolutely blessed my heart. She said she wants a man who is fun and plays with their kids; who would never leave them and would be loyal; that he would be honest, respect her privacy (that’s the word we’ve used to reference intimacy from since they were little), and that he would admit when he’s wrong, apologize, and be humble; that he would work with her and compromise, and of course that he’d have a beard. hahaha

Words can’t describe how much this little chat with her blessed my heart. Karyn isn’t really chatty about feelings or goals or desires, so I have never really known what she was thinking about certain things, but this conversation showed me the depth of the sweetness I knew was there. She’s growing up to be such a smart and lovely young lady.

Oh and I just recalled another thing she mentioned regarding being a witness to someone else being reprimanded by their parent and asked what she should do. I suggested as long as she was welcome to stay present to see it, that she could observe and learn from another person’s mistakes so she doesn’t have to experience the consequences of wrong choices. She said, “Yea! Then I can learn from watching it rather than doing it.” I told her how wise that is, but to be sure it’s always led by the Holy Spirit and not just what one person believes is right or wrong. She liked that…

I’m so blessed by my children. They are amazing human beings and I’m elated to be a part of their journey. What a gift I’ve been given to know them and to see their beauty blossom. I’m so so honored and privileged to be their Mama. I couldn’t be more thankful than I am in this moment. Thank you, Lord!!

For Us and Through Us

Yesterday, my sweet 9yo daughter walked into the room and was wearing her brother’s clothes and her hair in a low pony tail. I kid you not, she looked like an Australian male zoo keeper. LOL This is the second time she’s dressed in her brother’s clothes (the last time was in his dress slacks and vest, still accompanied by the low ponytail, making her look like a scotch drinking, pool playing, biker dude). How’s that for stereotypes? haha

I noted to her that she liked to wear her brother’s clothes and asked her why. We had a bit of a dialogue about it when she said she wished she was a boy because boys can do things that girls can’t. With chuckles and grins throughout she shared some of her reasons and we discussed how girls can do the things she was sharing. Here is the dialogue:

Me: “Hey love, I’ve noticed you like to wear your brother’s clothes. haha Any particular reason?”

Her: *grins* “Because I like to be a boyyyy.”

Me: *smiles* “You like to be a boy?”

Her: “Yea, I wish I was a boy.”

Me: “You wish you were a boy or you like pretending to be a boy?”

Her: “I wish I was a boy.”

Me: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Her: “Because there are things that boys can do that girls can’t.”

Me: “Things like what?”

Her: “I like short hair.”

Me: “But girls and boys can have short hair…”

Her: “I can be a soldier.”

Me: “Oh but there are all sorts of female soldiers, both who keep our nation safe and those who travel all over the world who put themselves in dangerous situations so they can help people all over.”

Her: *eyes look enlightened* “Oh, well, I like to wear pants so I can run.”

Me: “I wear pants all the time and I’m a girl… and if I wanted to run, I would.”

*we share a chuckle*

Her: “Well, I’m just not like the girls I see who are all, “Oooh I need a boy to saaaave me!!”

Me: *laughs with her* “You don’t have to be like that to be a girl. I’m a strong and capable woman who takes care of you guys and this house all day. There are all sorts of things I do without needing Daddy’s help. But can I ask you something? Do you like it when Daddy rescues you?”

Her: *insert an ooey gooey look and a smile* “Yesss.”

Me: “I do too. I love it when Daddy saves me too. And he’s my husband, not my daddy. So he’s my “boy” who I like to save me. Do you like that Daddy saves me?”

Her: *sheepishly* “Yes… but I am not scared of bugs or say ‘Oh nooo! A bug! Help! Ahhhh!’ I like bugs.”

Me: “Did you know I don’t like bugs?”

Her: “Yea.”

Me: “Have I ever discourage you from liking bugs or given you reason you should be afraid of bugs?”

Her: “No.”

Me: “That’s because I didn’t want you to be. I encouraged you to love bugs and to not be afraid of them. For two reasons – one because I don’t like bugs and I needed someone to kill them for me. *all of us laugh* Annnd because I didn’t want you to have those same weird issues as me. Because it’s weird that I don’t like to go near a small bug, isn’t it?”

Her: *laughs* “Yea.”

Me: “So I’m glad you’re a girl who isn’t afraid of bugs.”

*share a smile*

****then the root issue comes to the surface****

Her: “But… *tears fill her eyes* …if I was a boy… *tries not to cry* …then [insert a boys name] would want to play with me. He never wants to play with me because I’m just a girl.”

There it was… I wasn’t sure exactly how to address it in those first moments as I took in the sight of my ooey gooey 9yo who loves pretty much everyone she meets without hesitation and unconditionally, hurting and feeling unloved in return. My heart ached for her. I hugged her and I told her that I was sorry their exclusion made her feel like she had to be anything other than who God created her to be.

I told her how special she was and how God has a beautiful plan for her life and that who she is today and every day is who has made me a better person. I said to her, “You know how much I mess up now, right? Guess how much I messed up before you were in my life?!” We both laughed. I listed all the wonderful gifts she has and the qualities that I love so much about her. I told her that if all that changed to make one person happy, to think of all the people who would miss out on the beautiful person that she is.

How sad that a conclusion our minds reach when we aren’t feeling loved is that we need to change. We all just want to feel loved and special and to feel like we have something to offer this world. The reality is, that we do! That’s why God breathed life into us – because He has a plan and a purpose over our lives, for us and through us, and He doesn’t make mistakes. ❤

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Old Snippets…

  • Kathryn (3): “I just want to pet her.”
    Me: “Hunny, I know but she’s not a cat, she’s a person. She doesn’t want you to pet her like a cat.”
    Kathryn: “Yea, Ninja is a caht.”
    Me: “Yep. You can pet Ninja instead.”
    Kathryn: “But I want to pet Kimber, she’s a sweet baybeee.”
  • I scooped up Kathryn (3) to hug her because her attitude was sour and she says, “Please stop, my ears are blinking.” She was referring to her ears folding over! haha
  • Katlyn (10yo) and Karyn(8yo) simultaneously: “That’s his dad.” “Jinx!” “Jinx!” “Jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin–” *GASP* Katlyn: “JINX! GAAAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! I WIN!” LOL!!!!!! That was HILARIOUS to watch. 😛
  • At my sisters house watching our littles:
    My niece Mira (6yo): My daddy’s a big dad.
    My Kathryn (3yo): My daddy is a bigger dad than your dad.
    Kathryn, Mira, Sarai (4yo), Micah (3yo): *chorus of no’s and my daddy’s bigger than your dad* Me: Whoa whoa! Both your daddy’s are big daddy’s and are just the perfect daddy for each of your families. Your daddy is a big daddy and your daddy is a big daddy too.
    Kathryn: Ohhh!
    Mira: My dad makes good food.
    Kathryn: My dad makes good food too.
    Mira: You have a kitchen?! Kathryn: Yea. At my house.
    Mira: Oh!
  • Kathryn (3) wanted a hug:
    ::I hug her head::
    Kathryn: ::laughing:: Nooo not like thaaaat!
    ::I hug her upside down::
    Kathryn: ::laughing:: Nooo not like dat eeederr!
    ::I hug her arms::
    Kathryn: ::very serious:: That’s not a hug! DIS is a hug! ::she wraps her arms snugly around my neck::
    Me: Ohhh I see! ::I don’t let go::
    Kathryn: I’m alllll duuhhhhnnn!!!
    Me: What?
    Kathryn: I want to sit on the couch!
    ::still hugging her, I put her on the couch next to me::
    Kathryn: Not dat couch! I want to sit on the couch next to Christopherrr!
    Me: ::still hugging her:: Christopher isn’t on the couch.
    ::she begins to nudge me off::
    Me: ::ooey gooey:: I love your hugs.
    ::she pauses to smile:: Kathryn: Me too. Now get offa me.
    LOL!!
  • Karyn (8½): Mama, are they called rice quakes or rice cakes?
  • Exchange between Kathryn (3) and I while hugging and smiling at each other:
    Me: I love you!
    Kathryn: I love you too!
    Me: I love you sooooo much!
    Kathryn: I love *you* so much too!!
    Me: I love you more than allllll the stars in the universe!
    Kathryn: {nods casually} Me too.
    Me: I love you more than *all* the stores in the whoooole world!
    Kathryn: {smiles} Me too.
    Me: I love you more than *all* the other Kathryn’s in the woooorld!
    Kathryn: Yea… because they have peach skin… I mean lellow skin… and green teeth… and orange eyes….. {whispers} and purple foots!
    LOL This kid… never grow up, pleeeeease!!!!
  • Kathryn (3) singing: “A, B, Ceee, Deee! Eee Efff Geee…. *pause* Mama called the doctor and the doctor saaaaid: NO MORE MONKEY’S JUMPING ON DA BED…. *pause* Eh, Beh, Seh, Deh, Eh, Ef, GEH… elemen O peh! … *pause* Five more monkey’s jumping on da bed! Q-R-S, T-U-B! Debbleyew S, Y-Nnnn-Zeeeeeee!!!”
  • Kathryn (3) was chasing Kimlyn (1) across the living room so I spoke firmly for her to stop chasing Kimlyn. She stopped running and began walking. To be more clear, I said to turn around. She turned around and kept going backwards toward Kimlyn. 😛

Crazy Kid Moments

This reminds me of when I laid down for a nap and asked Chris to watch our older girls (our only children at the time)… I came out to find them sitting right next to him (while he was playing a game on the computer) and they were playing in the blackberry jam! hahha He heard them in the kitchen and knew it was trouble so he called them out, they quickly listened and sat next to him so he didn’t think much of it. LOL!!! I so wish I got it on camera now… hahahaha Enjoy these crazy kid moments, Mama’s! The messes become memories and make for great laughs and stories for when they are older (even before they are gone)! Some of our most fun times are when we are all sitting around reminiscing with the kids about all their crazy stunts and the stories never get old. tongue emoticon

Proud Mama Moment

After months of feeling kind of at a loss in how to help my oldest two daughters to want to help each other (rather than feel like the other owed them) with the kitchen duties, I’ve been so pleased to see their interactions the last couple days. What happened? My 11yo burnt her finger while making pancakes the other morning so she’s not been able to do the dishes and my 9yo has been doing them by herself.

When it slipped my mind and I asked my 11yo to wash up the dishes after breakfast, my 9yo said, “I’ll get it! She can’t do it remember?” and after lunch today, my 11yo said “How else can I help you? Since you have had to do all dishes yourself, I’d like to make it up to you.” ❤ 

It’s nice to know that when the need arises, they have each others backs. Proud proud Mama right now. 🙂

When There Were Bell Bottoms…

DD#1: “Mama, when was Davey and Goliath created?”
Mama: “1960.”
DD#2: “Is that around the time that Gramma’s Gramma was born?”
Mama: *chuckle* “No, that’s around the time Gramma was born though.”
DD#1: “GRAMMA WAS ALIVE WHEN THERE WERE BELL BOTTOMS?!”
Mama: “Gramma WORE bell bottoms.”
::girls exchange horrified/fascinated glances at each other both with their mouths open and eyes big::

I’m seriously dying… we’ll do timelines soon enough… I’m enjoying this for now. 😛