Your words have been on my mind sporadically the last day or so… unforgivable.
I’m not unforgivable. It’s unfortunate that my mistakes are not something you can move past, and perhaps our relationship won’t heal, however you have no authority to condemn me unless you also wish to condemn yourself. I don’t condemn you. I forgive you. Your actions have been deeply hurtful and my hurt as a result has hurt you. I’m sorry for hurting you with how I’ve worked through things. In hindsight I see many other ways I could have addressed my pain. I hope you can move past the pain and find healing, and I hope you know that your mistakes don’t define you. You are a beloved daughter of the Lord. He loves you. As I am, you’re His.
As such, I cling to Him for restoration and forgiveness and I hope you find it within yourself to see all the wrongs you’ve done through the eyes of Jesus: with grace, compassion, and love; that you allow Him to set yourself free from the mistakes you’ve made, and from the hurts done against you.
Only God chooses who is unforgivable. You my sister, are not, and neither am I. God is bigger than our pain, our hurts, our sins, and the wrongs done against us. He’s bigger than any division the enemy has created and attempts to continue to broaden. God’s sacrifice on the cross was enough. Jesus is enough. All we need is Him and to allow His Truth to renew our hearts and minds to transform us.
It’s my continued prayer that we both find His peace as completely and wholly as His desire is. That we keep searching for a deeper relationship with Him than we have and continue to go deeper still. It’s my desire that somewhere along the way we’ll find our way back to one another; healthy, restored, new, and healing.
You see. We’re not unforgivable. We are loved more than we’ll ever comprehend.
I’m still healing and growing up. I might still be hurting, but I love you, sister. I love you. That will never change.
There is a common misconception that forgiveness means we do ourselves a favor by letting what happened go. That is not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is the pardoning of one’s sin – freeing the offender from the burden of what they’ve done and allowing God to encounter them and forgive them upon repentance, in order that they will not be condemned to hell. The results of sin however, still have consequences. While I forgive those in my life who have brought harm against me, it doesn’t mean I don’t have healing left to do. And while I might struggle with forgiving someone, it doesn’t mean it’s preventing me to heal either. Sin can create wounds, break trust, create insecurity, and can cause a plethora of confusion to work through.
Forgiveness is a part of the healing process, but it’s not always the first step in healing. Righteous anger, making a righteous observation of whether to remove someone from their lives, grieving what’s happened and feeling the loss of what was lost, and coming to a place of acceptance with it are all parts of the process as well. For some, their process might be ever so brief, while for others it can take years.
God is aware of the battle inside each person and the conviction to forgive is a great one – when it’s time. The Word says it is better for a millstone to be put around the neck of a man and thrown into the sea to drown than he who causes one of the least of these to sin. Yes, we are to forgive those who have transgressed against us so we too can be forgiven by our Father in Heaven – but let’s not rush to forgive so quickly that we forget to be honest with God about what we’re struggling with. Wrestle it out with Him rather than pretend not to feel those things.
God sees the heart, the wounds and the ache, and He will gently care for that heart and bring it to a place of healing and forgiveness if we allow ourselves to go through the process of feeling what we’ve experienced. God is near to the brokenhearted and will bring them to that place. Let Him do His thing and please don’t force it – it will only cause one to hesitate in their process, doubt the feelings they have, perhaps even themselves, and thus delay their healing, their growth, and their intimacy with Christ.