I Believe

In January 2005, 12 years ago, the Lord spoke to me through my father in-law. He said, ‘just believe.’ I didn’t understand. I had nothing I was obviously struggling with at the time and I told him I’d tuck it away and note it for a later date should it make sense for something the Lord planned to show me.

A few weeks later, I was in the throws of deep anxiety and had isolated myself from everyone. I wasn’t connecting with friends, I wasn’t going outside, and I was spending most of my time feeling apathetic and hiding behind the closed curtains in my home. It was a dark time for me but in my despondent state, I pulled out my Bible and told God I didn’t care anymore and I just needed a little reprieve. His answer? The story of the lame man at the gate called Beautiful in Acts 3.

As I read through the miraculous healing of this man who couldn’t walk and was carried to this gate each day to beg for money. As Peter and John walked on, they offered them what they had, reaching out his hand, Peter pulled him to his feet and declared in the name of Jesus for him to walk… and so he did. Immediately. No physical therapy or stretching; the man began to dance! He walked, he leaped, and he praised the Lord. I felt the Lord speak to me that He was doing the same for me… I wanted to think that could happen for me, and remembered what my father in-law said. I needed to ‘just believe.’ I wanted to just believe.

A week later, I read another story in my reading plan of a man who was healed and he jumped up and walked in Acts 14. I still wanted to just believe and I began saying it was so. I was healed and I would not be convinced that I wasn’t. A couple weeks later, I read the story of the synagogue ruler in Mark 5 that Jesus said, “Do not be afraid; just believe.” and I was adamant to not be afraid – I would boldly walk out of the familiar and comfortable to the uncertain, uncomfortable, and yet profound healing that God was speaking over me. I asked Him to help me believe!

A week following that, I read the story about the boy’s father who cried out to Jesus in Mark 9 and He said, “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” The father realized his doubt and asked God to help him overcome his unbelief and I agreed with that prayer. I wanted to ‘just believe.’ as my father in-law had said. A week later I read of the centurion and the words spoken by Jesus, “‘Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.’ And his servant was healed at that moment.”  

I believed that March day of 2005 and the journey over these last 12 years has been to continue to fight the lies trying to cause me to doubt the healing that took place. I was healed. I am healed. I stand firmly in that victory. I believed Him then. I believe Him now. I am healed. ♥

Entry One: “The Renewal of Your Mind”

Last night I joined some friends for “Mom’s Night Out” and what I walked away with is something that I’m already seeing the fruit from and I’m really excited about! Truth Journaling. It’s a method of journaling where you write out what you’re working through, feeling, struggling with, or whatever and you number each thought and change whatever is a lie or a partial-truth and replace it with the truth. I didn’t really know where to start because I was in a tough place emotionally but didn’t really know how to put words to it… so I just started writing about how I didn’t know what to say until the rest just kinda spilled out of me.
As I worked through the emotions, I saw that I believed I was feeling led by my emotions, feeling overwhelmed, that I didn’t know what to do about my feelings, and that I just wanted to go to sleep. After I numbered each thought, I began to address the truth. What does God say about that? What is the reality that I’m actually in… and the answers were both affirming and revolutionary, and the physical response to those feelings began to ease as I saw the truth. I began to see the fruit of transformation by simply acknowledging the truth.
It was such a huge moment for me. Often it takes an hour, a couple days, a couple weeks, sometimes even longer than that depending on what it is I am addressing, to process through my feelings and how it effects me both physically and mentally… and in this process, I jumped right to addressing what was true and what was false, and my mind was renewed and I felt completely at peace that things were going to be okay.
I wanted to share this with my friends because I know I’m not the only one who feels overwhelmed with life some(most)times. I know I’m not the only one who is searching for a ways to overcome and stand in the truth that we’re victorious but struggle to walk out. I know I’m not the only one who has the desire for change and just needed some tools to start making the changes.
That being said, I wanted to share my first journal entry because I personally can grasp concepts more easily when I see them in action so I wanted to provide that for someone else interested in it. I’ll include the link to the woman’s blog at the end of this entry for anyone interested in learning more about this method. I hope this helps anyone interested and searching for some tools to work more deeply towards personal healing and spiritual growth.
My entry:
I’m not really sure where to start so I’m just going to start writing and see where it leads. I keep making emotionally led decisions and I want to lead my emotions, not the other way around. I feel overwhelmed with the kids and overwhelmed with life in general. I don’t know how to get to a healthy place. All I really want to do is sleep and be somewhere else.
Breaking it down by thoughts:
1: I keep making emotionally led decisions and
2: I want to lead my emotions, not the other way around.
3: I feel overwhelmed with the kids and
4: overwhelmed with life in general.
5: I don’t know how to get to a healthy place.
6: All I really want to do is sleep and be somewhere else.
Replacing any half-truths/lies with the truth: 
1: The truth is, I don’t keep making emotionally led decisions. Despite wanting to run away sometimes, I don’t run away. I’m here. Despite wanting to avoid everything, I don’t. I’m here. I’m not doing everything right, but I’m here with my family and I’m loving on them.
2: I do want to lead my emotions, and I am doing well to do that despite the feelings I have. I am not led by my emotions.
3: While I might feel overwhelmed, I’m not overwhelmed. To be overwhelmed is to be buried or drowned beneath a huge mass. I am not buried in my sin or struggle. I was buried with Christ and rose from the grave. I am victorious in the Lord and I am an overcomer.
4: I am not overwhelmed with life in general. I have so much to be thankful for. I have wonderful friends, I’m best friends with my husband, my children have amazing big hearts, we’re warm and well fed, and I know God is with me where ever I am.
5: I do know how to get to a healthy place: God’s tools through renewing my mind with His truth. This exercise is the tool I can use to do that.
6: What I truly want is God’s peace in the midst of my life. I want my children to have a joyful life and a healthy mom. I want to be right here and I want to be awake and not miss these precious moments and opportunities to be a friend and guide for my family.